I know it's my fault for being a "hoe" - but how do I solve this problem?

[Deleted User 670]

'This is basic Adult 101: How to be a decent human being. You don't flirt with someone else's guy. Especially if his girlfriend works for the same company. You fucked up. Tell her you're sorry, delete her hosebag fiance from your facebook and take the high road and take your lumps.

[That'swhatshesaid]

'This is basic Adult 101: How to be a decent human being. You don't flirt with someone else's guy. Especially if his girlfriend works for the same company. You fucked up. Tell her you're sorry, delete her hosebag fiance from your facebook and take the high road and take your lumps.

Well said. You both fucked up and now it's coming back to bite you in the ass. Own up to it and move on with your life. Everyone makes mistakes.

[LiveWhatULove]

I am really sorry about this situation.

I would apologize authentically to Brie, show vulnerability and ask her for forgiveness. And then tell her, I am taking the transfer. I would then be my sweet self. I would play office politics, connect to people’s emotions, to make friends & allies. I would immediately address hostile behavior and document if she or others proceeded to bully me.

Emotions & perspectives change all the time. When I have have had a difficult interpersonal relationship at work, I always find something we have in common, a work goal or even personal chit chat from our home lives, and I really focus on that to connect us. It is harder to hate and hold grudges when you share connections. It almost always works.

Thanks for the tip - I tend to go shy in confrontations and just cry - so that helps a lot.

I understand. I am so emotional, it’s obnoxious how much I can cry. BUT I pull it together in a work place. I practice in a mirror with facial expressions and all, saying things like, “I find that comment to be hateful and mean. Please stop.”

The other thing, that I cannot tell if it is exaggerated or not, BUT you need to forgive yourself. You f’ed up, OK. Move on, find your self-worth. This event does not define you as a hoe. It does not weaken your character. You don’t deserve to be bullied. You deserve respect, you deserve kindness. IN the Workplace. If she or the “team of close knit co-workers” turn into asshats, you need to be confident, that you don’t deserve that. If you see it for what it is, rambling BS that is meaningless, you won’t cry. Would you cry if some crazy ass person called you a rooster? No because “wTH? That is bizarre and just untrue” so you need to come to terms with this and realize anything Brie does is just as bizarre and untrue. That girl is crazy. She has her own demons to deal with. You just need to focus on making sure your demons are put to bed, so you do not cry.

Does that make sense?

[Anonymous 1]

Take the job and tell the 12 other employees that you slept with Bree's man before she does.

I didn't sleep with him though. Most I did was send bra pics.

Did you sleep with him or send pics? I’m confused
If you didn’t have intercourse with him and it was just sexting I would go ahead and take the transfer.

Don’t mess with him anymore, don’t talk to him, don’t interact on fb, don’t be friends. Remove her from your fb and keep your relationship strictly professional.

Like I said in the OP - I didn't sleep with him. Sexting was the limit of this 'thing'.

[Anonymous 5]

A “ hoe” is a gardening tool.

About 6 months ago - I hit a low point, was having depressive episodes, a lot of anxiety/panic attacks and my long term boyfriend had walked out on me. A (engaged) coworker started showing interest in me, and I shut it down strictly at first, until he told me that was how he joked with everyone and his fiance confirmed it. Of course - the flirting became sexual; maybe a day after I left for another department and I went with it. I just did not give a shit anymore and just wanted to feel something. No excuse - I know. BUT; we never physically touched each other. Of course - his fiance (Bree) found out, chewed him out, called me a hoe, and told him to never do it again or she was leaving. She also told him that he could stay friends with me on Facebook only IF she could read the conversations whenever she wanted. It happened once more after that - he deleted all the messages and then that was it. I sinked further enough to isolate myself from everyone - so didn't reach out to him again.

Recently at work, I've been asked to go work with Bree (same company different branch). She was super lovely until she suggested that we add each other on facebook and searched my name - finding that I was friends with her fiance. Realisation hit her and she said "Oh. It's you". and then has proceeded to ignore me and death stare me the rest of the week. My bosses call me in at the end of the week and ask me how I feel about the branch. I leave out the awkwardness and state that it's a lovely branch and I enjoyed my time there. My bosses offer me a transfer there effective immediately, and I'd literally be working next to Bree all day every day.

Here's the thing. I NEED this transfer. I'd only be working 7 minutes away from home compared to an hour and a half travel right now. It's a raise, and I also save a lot of money on gas, and the commute save means I can actually use that time to begin to help myself - i.e. start counselling (current job has me leaving at 7am and not getting home until after 7pm with traffic). But - Bree has messaged me and told me that if I take this job - she will ensure I quit ASAP; or ensure the entire office (close knit only 12 people) know how much of a hoe I am and nobody will talk to me. So - I need some advice - what should I do?

[Inmybizz]

I didn't sleep with him though. Most I did was send bra pics.

Did you sleep with him or send pics? I’m confused
If you didn’t have intercourse with him and it was just sexting I would go ahead and take the transfer.

Don’t mess with him anymore, don’t talk to him, don’t interact on fb, don’t be friends. Remove her from your fb and keep your relationship strictly professional.

Like I said in the OP - I didn't sleep with him. Sexting was the limit of this 'thing'.

Ok.. I thought I read a reply that stated things got sexual and I took that to mean S*x.

[agander2017]

I would take the transfer, and deal with her as needed. Take screenshots of those conversations, and tell her that if she tells anyone, you will take those screenshots to HR and file harassment against her. She needs to grow up. You didn't have S*x with him, and she forgave him. She needs to deal with it.

[Anonymous 6]

I wouldn't transfer myself into the lioness' den.

[Emandab]

Eh, I'd say back "do you really want everyone to know your fiance was sexting me?"
I mean it says just as much about her man as it does you . I wouldnt want my coworkers to know this about my fiance.

[Anonymous 7]

Eh, I'd say back "do you really want everyone to know your fiance was sexting me?"
I mean it says just as much about her man as it does you . I wouldnt want my coworkers to know this about my fiance.

I wouldn't think OP would want coworkers to know that if she has a bad time in her life rules and boundaries don't apply anymore. Everyone on here telling her that it wasn't her fault, only his because he was engaged, is doing nothing more than enabling her. No one wants to work with someone who can't be trusted and when they do something wrong, blames their bad decisions on others. Intelligent people avoid that kind of mess like the plague in the work place.