I know it's my fault for being a "hoe" - but how do I solve this problem?

[Lustywench]

About 6 months ago - I hit a low point, was having depressive episodes, a lot of anxiety/panic attacks and my long term boyfriend had walked out on me. A (engaged) coworker started showing interest in me, and I shut it down strictly at first, until he told me that was how he joked with everyone and his fiance confirmed it. Of course - the flirting became sexual; maybe a day after I left for another department and I went with it. I just did not give a shit anymore and just wanted to feel something. No excuse - I know. BUT; we never physically touched each other. Of course - his fiance (Bree) found out, chewed him out, called me a hoe, and told him to never do it again or she was leaving. She also told him that he could stay friends with me on Facebook only IF she could read the conversations whenever she wanted. It happened once more after that - he deleted all the messages and then that was it. I sinked further enough to isolate myself from everyone - so didn't reach out to him again.

Recently at work, I've been asked to go work with Bree (same company different branch). She was super lovely until she suggested that we add each other on facebook and searched my name - finding that I was friends with her fiance. Realisation hit her and she said "Oh. It's you". and then has proceeded to ignore me and death stare me the rest of the week. My bosses call me in at the end of the week and ask me how I feel about the branch. I leave out the awkwardness and state that it's a lovely branch and I enjoyed my time there. My bosses offer me a transfer there effective immediately, and I'd literally be working next to Bree all day every day.

Here's the thing. I NEED this transfer. I'd only be working 7 minutes away from home compared to an hour and a half travel right now. It's a raise, and I also save a lot of money on gas, and the commute save means I can actually use that time to begin to help myself - i.e. start counselling (current job has me leaving at 7am and not getting home until after 7pm with traffic). But - Bree has messaged me and told me that if I take this job - she will ensure I quit ASAP; or ensure the entire office (close knit only 12 people) know how much of a hoe I am and nobody will talk to me. So - I need some advice - what should I do?

You aren't a hoe, whore or slut. The male co-worker is a jerk and the one verbally and emotionally cheating on his gf.

I would print out, take a screenshot or save that message and go straight to Brees immediate supervisor or boss and HR. Explain the entire situation to them and then show them the threatening message she sent you
Let them deal with her and when you see her again.....SMILE

[Inmybizz]

Take the job and tell the 12 other employees that you slept with Bree's man before she does.

I didn't sleep with him though. Most I did was send bra pics.

Did you sleep with him or send pics? I’m confused
If you didn’t have intercourse with him and it was just sexting I would go ahead and take the transfer.

Don’t mess with him anymore, don’t talk to him, don’t interact on fb, don’t be friends. Remove her from your fb and keep your relationship strictly professional.

[Anonymous 4]

You are not a "hoe" so stop labeling and blaming yourself. You had a consensual flirtation with an adult, and he is the one who acted badly.

You have depression and anxiety. You need support and therapy to deal with that and find a treatment plan that improves your life. Please take steps to have that: https://www.nami.org/

Delete your FB account. Stop trying to socialize with co-workers. Find friends and support groups outside of work. Find a therapist or self-help group to deal with anxiety and depression.

They both acted badly.

[Valentina327]

Take the job. It's much better for you and you shouldn't deprive yourself over someone being whiney.


Live has some good advice. Apologize sincerely and try to bond. Show her you're a decent person. Break down the barrier.

If that doesn't work and she's still stubborn and is trying to screw with you:

I like what #2 said. Just hit it head on. If she does end up starting shit at work, openly tell people what happened - her fiance starting flirting, you responded, you never acted on it. You need to take away her power. Lay it all out there. Don't leave her anything that she can hang over your head.

You're not there to win a popularity contest. [My father's phrase LOL] If your new co workers don't like you or aren't friends with you, you'll live. People usually calm down from that kind of thing anyway eventually. I'm sure you have friends outside of work. Focus on them. Good luck!

[MistressMonster]

About 6 months ago - I hit a low point, was having depressive episodes, a lot of anxiety/panic attacks and my long term boyfriend had walked out on me. A (engaged) coworker started showing interest in me, and I shut it down strictly at first, until he told me that was how he joked with everyone and his fiance confirmed it. Of course - the flirting became sexual; maybe a day after I left for another department and I went with it. I just did not give a shit anymore and just wanted to feel something. No excuse - I know. BUT; we never physically touched each other. Of course - his fiance (Bree) found out, chewed him out, called me a hoe, and told him to never do it again or she was leaving. She also told him that he could stay friends with me on Facebook only IF she could read the conversations whenever she wanted. It happened once more after that - he deleted all the messages and then that was it. I sinked further enough to isolate myself from everyone - so didn't reach out to him again.

Recently at work, I've been asked to go work with Bree (same company different branch). She was super lovely until she suggested that we add each other on facebook and searched my name - finding that I was friends with her fiance. Realisation hit her and she said "Oh. It's you". and then has proceeded to ignore me and death stare me the rest of the week. My bosses call me in at the end of the week and ask me how I feel about the branch. I leave out the awkwardness and state that it's a lovely branch and I enjoyed my time there. My bosses offer me a transfer there effective immediately, and I'd literally be working next to Bree all day every day.

Here's the thing. I NEED this transfer. I'd only be working 7 minutes away from home compared to an hour and a half travel right now. It's a raise, and I also save a lot of money on gas, and the commute save means I can actually use that time to begin to help myself - i.e. start counselling (current job has me leaving at 7am and not getting home until after 7pm with traffic). But - Bree has messaged me and told me that if I take this job - she will ensure I quit ASAP; or ensure the entire office (close knit only 12 people) know how much of a hoe I am and nobody will talk to me. So - I need some advice - what should I do?

Shouldn't have added her to your FB. When she asked I would have said I don't have one. Delete her, lock down your page, and take the job. If she starts making your life bad at work hit up HR.

[Deleted User 172]

I would tell her thats its not my fault she's choosing to stay with a potential cheater and that its useless to get mad at the girl when the dude she can't trust is laying in her bed.
She sounds like a jealous controlling freak.
Then I would walk in there with my head held high and my shoulders back and act like she's not important at all.
Also delete her off FB. Get rid of FB entirely.

[CotterpinDoozer]

Screenshot the message, then delete her and the fiancé off FB. Apologize to her, but tell her you are taking the job and hope she won't act foolishly because you're hoping to work well together. If she starts shit, take the message directly to HR and demand something be done about it or you're afraid you'll have to get a lawyer involved because of the hostile work environment.

[EmilyH87]

I would take this to the branch manager and HR and have them explain to Bree about the words blackmail and extortion mean. Along side hostile work envirorment

This.
Also, delete the fiance off your Facebook if you haven't already.

[lauren08]

I would absolutely take the job. It makes your life easier, screw her. If she tries to make your life miserable at work, that's unacceptable and I'd speak to someone higher up immediately. Most workplaces have zero tolerance harassment policies.

[wildflowers25]

If you have an ounce of self preservation, you won't take the transfer. I doubt you'll have a job for very long if you do. On top of the embarrassment of having everyone you work with know what you did with her fiance, if you report her to HR, you'll have your company know the same thing and probably have them not want you there anymore since the three of you are in a situation that is doing nothing but causing trouble at their company. It seems extremely clear this won't make your life easier so there really shouldn't be a question.