I know it's my fault for being a "hoe" - but how do I solve this problem?

Traci_Momof2
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Immediately report Bree's threats to HR or whoever is in charge and make sure they deal with it. Bree is being petty and immature and extremely unprofessional.

If she has anger about the whole incident that happened before it should be directed solely to her fiance. Their relationship is not your problem.
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:35 am I am really sorry about this situation.

I would apologize authentically to Brie, show vulnerability and ask her for forgiveness. And then tell her, I am taking the transfer. I would then be my sweet self. I would play office politics, connect to people’s emotions, to make friends & allies. I would immediately address hostile behavior and document if she or others proceeded to bully me.

Emotions & perspectives change all the time. When I have have had a difficult interpersonal relationship at work, I always find something we have in common, a work goal or even personal chit chat from our home lives, and I really focus on that to connect us. It is harder to hate and hold grudges when you share connections. It almost always works.
No offense but that sounds just as immature as what Bree is doing. Play office politics? No, that's middle school behavior. And I certainly wouldn't be apologizing to someone who has threatened me, nor would I teach my children that they need to apologize to someone slinging threats. Homie don't play that game.
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Traci_Momof2 wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:23 am
LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:35 am I am really sorry about this situation.

I would apologize authentically to Brie, show vulnerability and ask her for forgiveness. And then tell her, I am taking the transfer. I would then be my sweet self. I would play office politics, connect to people’s emotions, to make friends & allies. I would immediately address hostile behavior and document if she or others proceeded to bully me.

Emotions & perspectives change all the time. When I have have had a difficult interpersonal relationship at work, I always find something we have in common, a work goal or even personal chit chat from our home lives, and I really focus on that to connect us. It is harder to hate and hold grudges when you share connections. It almost always works.
No offense but that sounds just as immature as what Bree is doing. Play office politics? No, that's middle school behavior. And I certainly wouldn't be apologizing to someone who has threatened me, nor would I teach my children that they need to apologize to someone slinging threats. Homie don't play that game.
Politics ARE in every office setting, this is a well studied phenomenon, based in the research. I studied the concept a lot in my education. Perhaps my wording was off, as far as "play" but any leader or employee would be far better off accepting this fact, that acting like it does not exist.

I teach my children to apologize when they have done something wrong. I teach my children that validating someone's feelings during negotiation or confrontation in the work place OR school, often leads to respect, and sometimes mutual cooperation and the ability to move forward rather than to remain entrenched in a battle or hostile feelings. Once again, validated and reliable communication and organization studies recommend these techniques.

It's difficult to know how far the situation has escalated, and perhaps it is not salvageable, but as someone who has studied a lot of communication and leadership techniques, it takes far MORE maturity and skill to navigate confrontation and office politics.
Traci_Momof2
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:39 am
Traci_Momof2 wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:23 am
LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:35 am I am really sorry about this situation.

I would apologize authentically to Brie, show vulnerability and ask her for forgiveness. And then tell her, I am taking the transfer. I would then be my sweet self. I would play office politics, connect to people’s emotions, to make friends & allies. I would immediately address hostile behavior and document if she or others proceeded to bully me.

Emotions & perspectives change all the time. When I have have had a difficult interpersonal relationship at work, I always find something we have in common, a work goal or even personal chit chat from our home lives, and I really focus on that to connect us. It is harder to hate and hold grudges when you share connections. It almost always works.
No offense but that sounds just as immature as what Bree is doing. Play office politics? No, that's middle school behavior. And I certainly wouldn't be apologizing to someone who has threatened me, nor would I teach my children that they need to apologize to someone slinging threats. Homie don't play that game.
Politics ARE in every office setting, this is a well studied phenomenon, based in the research. I studied the concept a lot in my education. Perhaps my wording was off, as far as "play" but any leader or employee would be far better off accepting this fact, that acting like it does not exist.

I teach my children to apologize when they have done something wrong. I teach my children that validating someone's feelings during negotiation or confrontation in the work place OR school, often leads to respect, and sometimes mutual cooperation and the ability to move forward rather than to remain entrenched in a battle or hostile feelings. Once again, validated and reliable communication and organization studies recommend these techniques.

It's difficult to know how far the situation has escalated, and perhaps it is not salvageable, but as someone who has studied a lot of communication and leadership techniques, it takes far MORE maturity and skill to navigate confrontation and office politics.
Hmm, well I currently work in an office of 3 people. The owner, the full time employee and myself. I really don't see politics. But even when I worked in a large corporate office I just avoided it. If I saw politics going on or drama escalating I just stayed away completely. I was good at keeping my face in my screen and just doing my work. Or if people tried to pull me in just smile and nod and walk away.

On the apologizing, if I were OP I would've had no issues in apologizing for my part in the situation. That is UNTIL she threatened me. Once she threw out threats the apology would be off the table. I would not entertain threats at all, especially in a work place. Bree was upset about what happened with her fiance. That's understandable. But it doesn't give her the right at all to threaten a co-worker like she did. Upset or not there is no excuse for that kind of behavior in the workplace.
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Traci_Momof2 wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 11:14 am
LiveWhatULove wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:39 am
Traci_Momof2 wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:23 am

No offense but that sounds just as immature as what Bree is doing. Play office politics? No, that's middle school behavior. And I certainly wouldn't be apologizing to someone who has threatened me, nor would I teach my children that they need to apologize to someone slinging threats. Homie don't play that game.
Politics ARE in every office setting, this is a well studied phenomenon, based in the research. I studied the concept a lot in my education. Perhaps my wording was off, as far as "play" but any leader or employee would be far better off accepting this fact, that acting like it does not exist.

I teach my children to apologize when they have done something wrong. I teach my children that validating someone's feelings during negotiation or confrontation in the work place OR school, often leads to respect, and sometimes mutual cooperation and the ability to move forward rather than to remain entrenched in a battle or hostile feelings. Once again, validated and reliable communication and organization studies recommend these techniques.

It's difficult to know how far the situation has escalated, and perhaps it is not salvageable, but as someone who has studied a lot of communication and leadership techniques, it takes far MORE maturity and skill to navigate confrontation and office politics.
Hmm, well I currently work in an office of 3 people. The owner, the full time employee and myself. I really don't see politics. But even when I worked in a large corporate office I just avoided it. If I saw politics going on or drama escalating I just stayed away completely. I was good at keeping my face in my screen and just doing my work. Or if people tried to pull me in just smile and nod and walk away.

On the apologizing, if I were OP I would've had no issues in apologizing for my part in the situation. That is UNTIL she threatened me. Once she threw out threats the apology would be off the table. I would not entertain threats at all, especially in a work place. Bree was upset about what happened with her fiance. That's understandable. But it doesn't give her the right at all to threaten a co-worker like she did. Upset or not there is no excuse for that kind of behavior in the workplace.
Sounds fair enough, we should all be our authentic selves, and behave in a manner that creates peace for us, nothing wrong with that & nothing says it needs to be the same for everybody!
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Take the transfer and ignore the gossip
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Valentina327
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So what did you end up deciding OP?
Let's Go Brandon!
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:10 am I would take this to the branch manager and HR and have them explain to Bree about the words blackmail and extortion mean. Along side hostile work envirorment
This. Good luck OP.
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Valentina327 wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:18 pm So what did you end up deciding OP?
Ended up deciding to stay where I was - wasn't worth the anxiety tbh.
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I disagree. Not only was this guy's flirtation with others wrong (and I would have dumped his ass long ago instead of trying to justify it ("Oh, he's that way with everyone,") but you were very wrong to respond and YOU know it. You cannot justify that by saying, "I just wanted to feel something."

You see what kind of nonsense this becomes. Yes, you should discuss this whole mess that you and she both created with HR. Next time you have a depression problem get counseling instead of acting like this. No excuse for the way any of you behaved in this mess.
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