Have you ever stopped your child from turning in homework or assignments?

Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 2 wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:29 am I've made my children redo homework more times than I can count, my daughter is 10 and still takes absolutely no pride in her work, so I get it. But ripping it up seems a bit incendiary and counterproductive. Do you feel that was the right thing to do?
Yes I do - only because I knew that DD knew that if I didn't take it off her right then and there - she could hide it somewhere to hand it in tomorrow and the teacher would accept it and not mark it down even with how much lack of effort she put in because "poor (dd's name) has disabilities, she can't get it". Whereas I know DD does know her shit - when she tries. She's unfortunately very manipulative and can convince people she is "helpless" and "can't do 'it'" whatever 'it' is.
Anonymous 1

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mcginnisc wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:18 am I will preface this with the fact that I homeschool..
I do NOT police their work like that. My oldest does all of her tests online so I grade very little of her things...her papers and projects are handed in to me and I grade those...everyday work I don't touch. My youngest on the other hand still does all of her work by hand. She still has cursive tests and things like that. If it is sloppy, oh well..I will grade it as it is and if you fail it, that is on you kiddo. I feel like she needs natural consequences and that means if the work is substandard, she fails it. It will do my child no favors at all if I helicopter over her work as she will think she gets a million chances to make it right- you don't get that in the real world so you deal with whatever consequences come with the substandard work...if that means you get fired from work, I guess you learn a lesson.
I think ripping up her work was horrible parenting personally and well, while I do not condone her calling you names, I can understand "heat of the moment" since you were a jerk first. It does not matter that she has asperbergers IMO. You ripped up her work. You should have let her turn it in and face the consequences at school.
There ARE no consequences though - the teacher would accept it and not mark it down even with how much lack of effort she put in because "poor (dd's name) has disabilities, she can't get it" and just give her a B. Whereas I know DD does know her shit - when she tries. She's unfortunately very manipulative and can convince people she is "helpless" and "can't do 'it'" whatever 'it' is.
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No. Their work is their work. If they want to do a sloppy job, get a bad grade, and have to deal with those consequences at both school and home, that is on them. While I don't agree with name-calling at parents, I would never snatch and rip up my child's work, no matter how sloppy it is, that is so disrespectful.
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I definitely have. There have been a few times when they had something else they wanted to do so they produced such substandard work that I made them do it over again. Academically, they both are excellent students. All I expect is their best effort. This has not been an issue for some time though.
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Inmybizz wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:35 am I check my daughters homework or she will ask me to review homework before she turns it in. If it’s not correct she will redo the work.
I do the same with my two.
Anonymous 4

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Nope, my girls were responsible for their school work, especially by 14. I didn't even check their school work by then.
Anonymous 5

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No I don't. They turn in what they turn in and can face the consequences of a bad grade. I guess your way works if you plan to be up your daughter's ass the rest of her life.
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 1:56 am My SIL thinks I'm controlling - I don't know how to explain my circumstances to a CHILDLESS SIL.

I've just told DD that she is NOT turning in the piece of crap assignment she's thrown together and that as soon as SIL leaves, we are sitting down and redoing it. I've done this because the handwriting is shit - she's not answering the questions properly and the presentation is just shocking. It looks like something I'd expect off a 6yo (without assistance) not a 14yo. She told me "it's done. I'm handing it in and you can't stop me". So I confiscated it and ripped it up. DD then called me a 'F***ing bitch' which led to SIL's statement.

The background? DD has aspergers and has control issues. If it's not exactly how she wants - even if that's shit - she looses it. I could just let her turn it in as is and fail - but there are still no real world consequences for that at school, like I can do at home - like making her redo it until it's good. So she's learnt it doesn't matter. Whereas at home - she knows damn well that if she refuses to wash the dishes properly and just half-ass's it, then I will make her stay in the kitchen until each dish is washed perfectly. She will rage, hit herself, hit me, bite herself - but she does not LEAVE that kitchen until it's done - and then is punished further for hitting me.

In the real world - chances are her boss will not let her leave until she completes a task properly. If she refuses to do it - she will be fired. If she rages and hits people - she will be off to jail. So - I feel I am appropriately equipping her. She is talked to when she is calm, talked through the experience again and is in counselling - but SIL still thinks she "knows" better than her parents and a psychologist.
I have a few times if the homework was completely wrong and for big projects. I wouldn't rip up their homework but I will confiscate it and they have to redo it completely. They will turn in the second set, receive a grade then bring it back home.
Then I will bring out the first assignment or project they did and we have a long discussion about the difference between the two. I haven't had to do this in a very long time, around 3 years I think.
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:27 am
mcginnisc wrote: Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:18 am I will preface this with the fact that I homeschool..
I do NOT police their work like that. My oldest does all of her tests online so I grade very little of her things...her papers and projects are handed in to me and I grade those...everyday work I don't touch. My youngest on the other hand still does all of her work by hand. She still has cursive tests and things like that. If it is sloppy, oh well..I will grade it as it is and if you fail it, that is on you kiddo. I feel like she needs natural consequences and that means if the work is substandard, she fails it. It will do my child no favors at all if I helicopter over her work as she will think she gets a million chances to make it right- you don't get that in the real world so you deal with whatever consequences come with the substandard work...if that means you get fired from work, I guess you learn a lesson.
I think ripping up her work was horrible parenting personally and well, while I do not condone her calling you names, I can understand "heat of the moment" since you were a jerk first. It does not matter that she has asperbergers IMO. You ripped up her work. You should have let her turn it in and face the consequences at school.
There ARE no consequences though - the teacher would accept it and not mark it down even with how much lack of effort she put in because "poor (dd's name) has disabilities, she can't get it" and just give her a B. Whereas I know DD does know her shit - when she tries. She's unfortunately very manipulative and can convince people she is "helpless" and "can't do 'it'" whatever 'it' is.
Yds has a disability also and his teachers take no crap although they will take late work. So either your kid's teacher is an idiot or your child really has a problem. Either way I'd address that.
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I had a sd who had a lot of turmoil in her life and it was difficult to help her stay on track in school. When I essentially micromanaged her in middle school, checking everything to make sure it was done and that she did it right, she did well. The teachers posted all of the assignments on the website and kept up with posting grades for me to see. If I gave her any amount of freedom to take her own responsibility for her stuff, and she knew I wasn't keeping track of every bit of it, she fell back apart. It was a huge struggle for me because it was a lot for me to keep up with and I wondered at what point does she learn her own responsibility for things and how do I get her to that point. Now her dad and I are divorced and she gets poor grades as a high schooler. He is uninvolved in her school work.
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