BM wants SS to pay her back all the money she gave him for school

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stilltfez
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I'd tell him that this issue is between him and his mom and I think he should discuss it with her only.
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Traci_Momof2
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My opinion may not be popular but my opinion is that once she decided to put her money into the college fund, she was making the decision to relinquish control of the money and essentially giving it to him. At that point, it is his decision what to do with it within the rules of the fund itself. If she wanted more control she should have put it into a regular savings account and then she could have forked it over at the time of his schooling under her own rules. As it is I say she is SOL and it is his college money for him to spend on college in whatever major he wants to go for.

Parents need to realize that your kids are not yours to control forever. When they graduate HS and go off to college they are making their own life decisions. Your decisions as the parent are whether to allow them to continue to live at home, and whether to currently give them any money out of your own account. That's pretty much it. What school they go to, what they decide to major in, all that stuff is not your decision. It is their life, their decision. And the only reason you would have to want to retain control over stuff like that is you are either a control freak or you don't trust your own parenting for the past 18 years. Either way, get over yourself. (This paragraph all a general "you")
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AZLizardLady wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:17 pm Since he's an adult, this really is between your SS and his biological Mom.

He has every right to change his major and a sincere best of luck to him.

However, this is HER money and she does not need to continue paying for his education. There is no legal obligation on her end to do so.

I think she's being controlling and petty but...again....her money to choose to do with how she wishes.

This will end up hurting her more so in the end.
I disagree that it's still her money. When she decided to put it into the college fund, she relinquished control and decided "yes this money can be used for son's schooling in any way he sees fit for schooling". Because I'm pretty sure there are fund rules that she can't even go into the fund now and withdraw everything and put it into her own checking account. It doesn't work that way. Anyone who has contributed to the fund has relinquished control of that money and it is solely controlled within the rules of the fund itself.
Remember the old term (and probably non-PC) 'indian giver'? You can't just give something for something and then later decide 'oh no I changed my mind I want it all back'. Life doesn't work that way.
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Anonymous 5 wrote: Fri Nov 08, 2019 4:44 am
MysticDreamer wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:04 pm If it is a school only use account, and the young man is in college, the funds are his to use to in the school environment as he sees fit. Mom doesn’t have to find any part of his schooling if she doesn’t want to, although her support would be helpful as far him being successful in school.
She can change the beneficiary to another child, a stepchild, a foster child, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, or a first cousin. I mean, she won't. She probably doesn't even know about this option. But she could.
If they're like my kids plans that can only happen if the person doesn't attend post secondary education or dies, once they turn 18. The parent can only transfer where the funds go before they're handed over to the person.
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Your SS should do what will bring him happiness, not what his mother wants him to do. If you don't have a passion for your field of work you'll only ever be mediocre in it.

If I were your SS I'd pay her back the money she contributed as soon as I could and then cut her out of my life.
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PoplarGrove wrote: Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:09 pm
Anonymous 5 wrote: Fri Nov 08, 2019 4:44 am
MysticDreamer wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:04 pm If it is a school only use account, and the young man is in college, the funds are his to use to in the school environment as he sees fit. Mom doesn’t have to find any part of his schooling if she doesn’t want to, although her support would be helpful as far him being successful in school.
She can change the beneficiary to another child, a stepchild, a foster child, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, or a first cousin. I mean, she won't. She probably doesn't even know about this option. But she could.
If they're like my kids plans that can only happen if the person doesn't attend post secondary education or dies, once they turn 18. The parent can only transfer where the funds go before they're handed over to the person.
Of course they can still be transferred even after some funds have been disbursed to the original beneficiary. What do you think happens to leftover funds?
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Anonymous 5 wrote: Fri Nov 08, 2019 4:44 am
MysticDreamer wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:04 pm If it is a school only use account, and the young man is in college, the funds are his to use to in the school environment as he sees fit. Mom doesn’t have to find any part of his schooling if she doesn’t want to, although her support would be helpful as far him being successful in school.
She can change the beneficiary to another child, a stepchild, a foster child, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, or a first cousin. I mean, she won't. She probably doesn't even know about this option. But she could.
Well then...ignorance is bliss and a plus for the college student.
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Now that the funds have already been turned over to the boy, I don't think there's much she can do about how he uses them. The only control she has is to no longer contribute to that fund.

At our house, we pay for 4 years of school. If it takes the kid longer than that to complete his schooling, he's on the hook for the rest.
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Traci_Momof2 wrote: Fri Nov 08, 2019 11:53 am
AZLizardLady wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:17 pm Since he's an adult, this really is between your SS and his biological Mom.

He has every right to change his major and a sincere best of luck to him.

However, this is HER money and she does not need to continue paying for his education. There is no legal obligation on her end to do so.

I think she's being controlling and petty but...again....her money to choose to do with how she wishes.

This will end up hurting her more so in the end.
I disagree that it's still her money. When she decided to put it into the college fund, she relinquished control and decided "yes this money can be used for son's schooling in any way he sees fit for schooling". Because I'm pretty sure there are fund rules that she can't even go into the fund now and withdraw everything and put it into her own checking account. It doesn't work that way. Anyone who has contributed to the fund has relinquished control of that money and it is solely controlled within the rules of the fund itself.
Remember the old term (and probably non-PC) 'indian giver'? You can't just give something for something and then later decide 'oh no I changed my mind I want it all back'. Life doesn't work that way.
According to the OP's response to me, the BM in this story no longer contributes to the college fund.

It's still a gift and as such, should not be seen as something that a child is entitled to or has control over. Life does indeed work that way, no matter if it's wrong or if it's wrong.

The fund itself was set-up by the BM and from what I've read, a few other people, all of which have contributed. They can pick and choose to continue to contribute to even removing their funds. There is nothing illegal about it.
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It’s funny I read this post. I’m considering changing my major from psychology to accounting. I always thought I hated math and numbers but after taking the required math class, I found that it’s actually quite enjoyable especially the financial and statistics part.
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