BM wants SS to pay her back all the money she gave him for school

[Anonymous 3]

How is this being controlled? I hope he uses the rest of these funds wisely because it certainly sounds like he isn't getting any more assistance from mom.

I agree with you, Valentina. But I hope this mom didn't turn over those funds to her son. The way the post is written, it certainly sounds like that she did turn the funds over to him.

There's no law that she has to pay for any schooling. She can do whatever she wants going forward, if it's her money in his college fund. She's investing in his future and she's allowed to not put her money into something she doesn't think is a worthwhile investment.

He is the one with access to the college fund. He could use it as soon as he turned 18. The money can only be used towards school. BM was not the only one who put money into the fund.

[Valentina327]

I agree with you, Valentina. But I hope this mom didn't turn over those funds to her son. The way the post is written, it certainly sounds like that's what she did.

She can decide to not give him more money, but she cant tell him how to spend his college fund.

There's no law that she has to pay for any schooling. She can do whatever she wants going forward, if it's her money in his college fund. She's investing in his future and she's allowed to not put her money into something she doesn't think is a worthwhile investment.

Thats what I was wondering about also.

[Anonymous 1]

How is this being controlled? I hope he uses the rest of these funds wisely because it certainly sounds like he isn't getting any more assistance from mom.

I agree with you, Valentina. But I hope this mom didn't turn over those funds to her son. The way the post is written, it certainly sounds like that she did turn the funds over to him.

He is the one with access to the college fund. He could use it as soon as he turned 18. The money can only be used towards school. BM was not the only one who put money into the fund.

It is how the fund is set up. I don't know the exact details. The bank can only release the funds to a school.

[Deleted User 1018]

If it is a school only use account, and the young man is in college, the funds are his to use to in the school environment as he sees fit. Mom doesn’t have to find any part of his schooling if she doesn’t want to, although her support would be helpful as far him being successful in school.

[Anonymous 3]

It's interesting that you say that she (not both of the boy's parents) set up this account for him when he was young. But then later in the thread you state that she is not the only one who has contributed to the account. Just an observation.

SS changed his major. BM does not approve. SS is going for a degree in psychology. He wants to get his PhD. BM thinks it is a waste of time and that if he is going to spend all that time going to school he should be a "real doctor". He took a psychology class for one of his GED ED classes and loved it so he took a couple more. He says it is his passion. He wanted to ignore it because he knows the level of schooling there is, but he cant. He loves psychology.

His previous major was accounting. He has always been good with numbers but he did not like any of the accounting classes. Not all of his credits will transfer to the psychology degree because the programs are so different.

BM set up a college fund which he has been using. She is saying that he is wasting her money and he should pay her back. He is standing up for himself and telling her no. That the money is now his and she doesnt have control over it. He has explained to her why he made the switch and what his goals and plans are.

DH thinks it comes down to the fact that BM thinks psychologists are quacks who just make stuff up. It is sad for SS because he is really excited about making this change and now BM is trying to bring him down.

ETA: This is a college fund that was set up for SS when he was a young child. BM is not currently adding to it. She is also not the only one who ever added to it. The funds can only be used for school.

[Anonymous 1]

She was the one who originally set it up. But multiple people have put money into it including DH, my in laws, and BMs parents.

Setting up a fund doesn't mean you are the only one who pays towards it.

It's interesting that you say that she (not both of the boy's parents) set up this account for him when he was young. But then later in the thread you state that she is not the only one who has contributed to the account. Just an observation.

SS changed his major. BM does not approve. SS is going for a degree in psychology. He wants to get his PhD. BM thinks it is a waste of time and that if he is going to spend all that time going to school he should be a "real doctor". He took a psychology class for one of his GED ED classes and loved it so he took a couple more. He says it is his passion. He wanted to ignore it because he knows the level of schooling there is, but he cant. He loves psychology.

His previous major was accounting. He has always been good with numbers but he did not like any of the accounting classes. Not all of his credits will transfer to the psychology degree because the programs are so different.

BM set up a college fund which he has been using. She is saying that he is wasting her money and he should pay her back. He is standing up for himself and telling her no. That the money is now his and she doesnt have control over it. He has explained to her why he made the switch and what his goals and plans are.

DH thinks it comes down to the fact that BM thinks psychologists are quacks who just make stuff up. It is sad for SS because he is really excited about making this change and now BM is trying to bring him down.

ETA: This is a college fund that was set up for SS when he was a young child. BM is not currently adding to it. She is also not the only one who ever added to it. The funds can only be used for school.

[Deleted User 203]

Since he's an adult, this really is between your SS and his biological Mom.

He has every right to change his major and a sincere best of luck to him.

However, this is HER money and she does not need to continue paying for his education. There is no legal obligation on her end to do so.

I think she's being controlling and petty but...again....her money to choose to do with how she wishes.

This will end up hurting her more so in the end.

[Anonymous 1]

Since he's an adult, this really is between your SS and his biological Mom.

He has every right to change his major and a sincere best of luck to him.

However, this is HER money and she does not need to continue paying for his education. There is no legal obligation on her end to do so.

I think she's being controlling and petty but...again....her money to choose to do with how she wishes.

This will end up hurting her more so in the end.

She is not paying anymore towards it. SS has been talking to us about it because he is stressed. BM has also been trying to get me and DH to be on her side.

[Deleted User 203]

Since he's an adult, this really is between your SS and his biological Mom.

He has every right to change his major and a sincere best of luck to him.

However, this is HER money and she does not need to continue paying for his education. There is no legal obligation on her end to do so.

I think she's being controlling and petty but...again....her money to choose to do with how she wishes.

This will end up hurting her more so in the end.

She is not paying anymore towards it. SS has been talking to us about it because he is stressed. BM has also been trying to get me and DH to be on her side.

Don't choose ANY side. Let this be between them only.

[Anonymous 1]

Since he's an adult, this really is between your SS and his biological Mom.

He has every right to change his major and a sincere best of luck to him.

However, this is HER money and she does not need to continue paying for his education. There is no legal obligation on her end to do so.

I think she's being controlling and petty but...again....her money to choose to do with how she wishes.

This will end up hurting her more so in the end.

She is not paying anymore towards it. SS has been talking to us about it because he is stressed. BM has also been trying to get me and DH to be on her side.

Don't choose ANY side. Let this be between them only.

I'm not chosing a side. I will be there if SS needs to talk though.