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DD is telling lies again

Anonymous 6

Unread post Thu Sep 19, 2019 9:07 pm

Anonymous 4 wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 5:43 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 5:38 pm
She was good for awhile once we got her into counseling for her lies and other behaviors. But today a lie came out of the blue.

She told my Mom we leave her alone "all the time" while we grocery shop and run errands.

This is not even a tiny bit true. We have never ever left her home alone. Ever. Not even once. I don't know where she came up with this. When we asked why my Mom said that she said my Mom is lying.

Wwyd? She is 11 for the record.
She would write out "I will not lie ever to anyone else ever again" 1000 times each and every time she does it. That's completely unacceptable and in addition to writing sentences, she would be my house cleaner for the foreseeable future
What exactly is the point to any of that? First, she is a human being so she is going to lie again, at some point in her life. Second how is being your maid, teaching her a lesson? There is no discipline in this, only punishment, a punishment that benefits you, and teaches the child only to be better or more creative so as not to get caught.
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agander2017
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Unread post Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:08 am

I'm curious why the post was deleted?

It's time that you come down hard on her for this lying. Ground her, make her do extra chores. She called your mom a liar, which is a whole new can of worms. Now she doesn't just lie, she is accusing others of lying. She needs to apologize to your mom, and to you for lying.
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LiveWhatULove
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Unread post Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:23 am

I simply talk her about it a lot. Bring it up as we informally converse, and work to establish a stronger relationship with her. That would assist me in figuring out the motive behind her words.

On the surface, she sounds as though she wanted attention, I would reflect upon why that is. Did she want her grandmother to feel sorry for her? Did she want you to get in trouble? Did she want to look as though she is mature and responsible?

Then I would look for other activities I can encourage for her to build character traits of confidence and integrity, which would minimize her desire to lie.

I disagree with pre-school punishments, such as writing sentences or more chores, for lying in the tween and teen years. The horse is out of the barn, you cannot change someone’s character with sentences or grounding. It’s not a like “oh I forgot my chores”, where you simply need to establish authority to make the home run smoother. This is a lifelong skill you are trying to nurture —telling the truth majority of the time. IMO, it takes much more complex and reflective strategies.
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Unread post Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:28 am

I would tell her that a person who lies constantly can never be trusted and ask her if she really wants to be someone that cannot be trusted because she is a chronic liar. I would ask her how would it feel to her if I constantly lied to her and about her. It sounds like she needs more therapy.
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Unread post Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:36 am

LiveWhatULove wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:23 am
I simply talk her about it a lot. Bring it up as we informally converse, and work to establish a stronger relationship with her. That would assist me in figuring out the motive behind her words.

On the surface, she sounds as though she wanted attention, I would reflect upon why that is. Did she want her grandmother to feel sorry for her? Did she want you to get in trouble? Did she want to look as though she is mature and responsible?

Then I would look for other activities I can encourage for her to build character traits of confidence and integrity, which would minimize her desire to lie.

I disagree with pre-school punishments, such as writing sentences or more chores, for lying in the tween and teen years. The horse is out of the barn, you cannot change someone’s character with sentences or grounding. It’s not a like “oh I forgot my chores”, where you simply need to establish authority to make the home run smoother. This is a lifelong skill you are trying to nurture —telling the truth majority of the time. IMO, it takes much more complex and reflective strategies.
It might be just me, but this topic is hard to follow. I like your reply above here as you are right in everything you are saying. The only thing that I would add is that a properly brought up 11 year old knows that lying for any reason is very wrong. If by some chance she does not know lying is wrong there are issues well beyond what punishment will correct.

My two children know that lying in this family is among the two or three top serious things they can do. Only one has tested that ideal.
Anonymous 7

Unread post Fri Sep 20, 2019 11:18 am

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 6:19 pm
Anonymous 5 wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 5:50 pm
Honestly, whether it was true or it was a lie, I wouldn't care if my 11yo told someone that I left him alone while I grocery shopped and did errands. Not a big deal.


Normally yes. But she has proven she is not mature enough. I was cutting grass and she opened the door to a salesperson and told him I was out back. She's been told to never open the door without us there and she did it anyways.
But you were there.
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