Anxiety over eating? Not being able to eat without a distraction?

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I have my niece staying with us for the foreseeable future. She is 18. My brother is not the best parent and most meal times were filled with yelling and my brother would literally trap them at the table so they could not leave until he had finished yelling at them. They were also expected to eat while being screamed at. This has caused my niece some massive anxiety and she now cannot eat without a distraction whether it be a screen or a book. I'm wondering how I can ease her out of that habit? As an aside my own children do not eat with technology at the table and do not find it 'fair' that she does not have to follow the rules.

Let me say that the first time I asked her to eat without her phone; she could not eat more than 3 bites before having a panic attack and feeling like she was going to throw up. So - help please?
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You won't like my advice but I'd tell your kids she's trying to work through some anxiety so for the foreseeable future she gets to have a book and they'll live. Sometimes life doesn't appear to be fair when it is and they need to understand. You can always point out she's an adult and they are not. Also maybe she can see a counselor for techniques on dealing with panic attacks.
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I'm going to be as gentle as I can be...
This is not about your children and what is fair in life. We do not allow anything at the table during dinner..that said, if my niece came to stay with us after years of abuse, whatever she needed to get through meals would be granted. Period. This is about your niece having some control in her life after dealing with a controlling, abusive father for years. This is the ideal time to have a discussion with your children and speak with them age appropriately (since you did not state their ages), and explain that sometimes life throws curve balls. In instances like these, you have to be able to put your " it's not fair" aside for the health of another- in this case your niece having a distraction of some sort. They need to learn that not everything in life is going to be equal/ fair.
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jas
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^^ Those two are correct. Your kids need to adapt. Not her.
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xsxpxixdxexrxsx
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Maybe instead of a phone she can bring a book? I'd be way more ok with a book then technology. I would try to help my kids understand why she needs it and why we make an exception for her.
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I would be getting professional help for her. In the mean time, I'd tell my kids that her circumstances are not the same, fair is not always equal, they do not have a need to have a screen, so they can get over it.
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Pjmm wrote: Mon Jun 24, 2019 7:12 am You won't like my advice but I'd tell your kids she's trying to work through some anxiety so for the foreseeable future she gets to have a book and they'll live. Sometimes life doesn't appear to be fair when it is and they need to understand. You can always point out she's an adult and they are not. Also maybe she can see a counselor for techniques on dealing with panic attacks.
^^^^ ill roll with this response. well stated.
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Pjmm wrote: Mon Jun 24, 2019 7:12 am You won't like my advice but I'd tell your kids she's trying to work through some anxiety so for the foreseeable future she gets to have a book and they'll live. Sometimes life doesn't appear to be fair when it is and they need to understand. You can always 3point out she's an adult and they are not. Also maybe she can see a counselor for techniques on dealing with panic attacks.
I agree. Panic attacks are no joke. Sounds like she's been through a lot of shit and needs help.
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She needs to see dinner time and being gathered at the dinner table can be an enjoyable experience. I would talk with her and begin setting a different routine.

Set a limit- when she sits down for dinner with your family she must try to engage in conversation for 3 mins. Or she can only have technology for a limited time at the table.

She probably needs to be in therapy.
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Have you tried making dinner a fun experience with conversation? Also, your kids need to suck it up she's been abused.
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