People are calling me petty and jealous because I dont want the other woman in my house

[Inmybizz]

Don't worry about what others say. It's your house and if you don't want her there, that's your decision.

[LiveWhatULove]

So you would be shitty enough to invite someone your child doesn't want there?

I think you are mistaking my whole point. If someone disrespects me they arent* invited to my house.

I am far from perfect, I act petty plenty of times in my life too, but I simply feel this specific issue is petty. I am not mistaking, just being truthful.

We have completely different perspectives; if someone disrespects me, I work towards forgiveness, moving on, & letting go. I am trying to instill the same values in my children. Obviously that's a core value difference between us, so we can just accept to disagree.

You obviously have strong feelings about this issue and you know what is best for your family, so I wish you peace with your choice, and as I said I think your guests were rude to bring it up anyway.

It is a FACT that is fucked up to invite someone when the person you are celebrating doesnt want them there. Only a shitty person would do that. Why are you so shitty?

I'm just a shitty mom and person, I guess, LOL.

I just know my kiddos, they wouldn't have strong feelings about it if years had passed, lol, they'd be "ehh,the more the merrier." unless they felt they needed to protect me because I had harbored ill feelings for years, and I'm older and forgetful, I would have let it go.

I think a better description for us over shitty would be, "the just don't give AF" family. I just feel my life is too damn short for this drama.

[Anonymous 1]

I am far from perfect, I act petty plenty of times in my life too, but I simply feel this specific issue is petty. I am not mistaking, just being truthful.

We have completely different perspectives; if someone disrespects me, I work towards forgiveness, moving on, & letting go. I am trying to instill the same values in my children. Obviously that's a core value difference between us, so we can just accept to disagree.

You obviously have strong feelings about this issue and you know what is best for your family, so I wish you peace with your choice, and as I said I think your guests were rude to bring it up anyway.

It is a FACT that is fucked up to invite someone when the person you are celebrating doesnt want them there. Only a shitty person would do that. Why are you so shitty?

I'm just a shitty mom and person, I guess, LOL.

I just know my kiddos, they wouldn't have strong feelings about it if years had passed, lol, they'd be "ehh,the more the merrier." unless they felt they needed to protect me because I had harbored ill feelings for years, and I'm older and forgetful, I would have let it go.

I think a better description for us over shitty would be, "the just don't give AF" family. I just feel my life is too damn short for this drama.

I would like you to answer this question with a yes or no please.

Would you invite someone to a party for your child if they specifically said they do not want them there?

My kids are not close with their SM, they never have been. The party was for close friends and family. DS did NOT want her there.

[LiveWhatULove]

It is a FACT that is fucked up to invite someone when the person you are celebrating doesnt want them there. Only a shitty person would do that. Why are you so shitty?

I'm just a shitty mom and person, I guess, LOL.

I just know my kiddos, they wouldn't have strong feelings about it if years had passed, lol, they'd be "ehh,the more the merrier." unless they felt they needed to protect me because I had harbored ill feelings for years, and I'm older and forgetful, I would have let it go.

I think a better description for us over shitty would be, "the just don't give AF" family. I just feel my life is too damn short for this drama.

I would like you to answer this question with a yes or no please.

Would you invite someone to a party for your child if they specifically said they do not want them there?

My kids are not close with their SM, they never have been. The party was for close friends and family. DS did NOT want her there.

It's not a black/white OR yes/no issue. It would depend why. Has she abused my child? Is she violent? Their father's SO typically, should be someone of value in their life in "normal" circumstances, so unless the two previous questions OR there were other extenuating circumstances were "yes" then, I would leave it up to their father.

But I will say that if this was the REAL crux of the issue, your original, would have started, "my DS didn't want his step-mother there so I didn't invite..." not added as an afterthought after a few of us disagreed with you long-term grudge as justification.

And if I am totally wrong, fine, you would know, as I have stated you know the situation for your family. I was simply sharing my views, I'm not calling you a shitty person, lol. Have a good night and I hope the party was awesome.

[Anonymous 1]

I'm just a shitty mom and person, I guess, LOL.

I just know my kiddos, they wouldn't have strong feelings about it if years had passed, lol, they'd be "ehh,the more the merrier." unless they felt they needed to protect me because I had harbored ill feelings for years, and I'm older and forgetful, I would have let it go.

I think a better description for us over shitty would be, "the just don't give AF" family. I just feel my life is too damn short for this drama.

I would like you to answer this question with a yes or no please.

Would you invite someone to a party for your child if they specifically said they do not want them there?

My kids are not close with their SM, they never have been. The party was for close friends and family. DS did NOT want her there.

It's not a black/white OR yes/no issue. It would depend why. Has she abused my child? Is she violent? Their father's SO typically, should be someone of value in their life in "normal" circumstances, so unless the two previous questions OR there were other extenuating circumstances were "yes" then, I would leave it up to their father.

But I will say that if this was the REAL crux of the issue, your original, would have started, "my DS didn't want his step-mother there so I didn't invite..." not added as an afterthought after a few of us disagreed with you long-term grudge as justification.

And if I am totally wrong, fine, you would know, as I have stated you know the situation for your family. I was simply sharing my views, I'm not calling you a shitty person, lol. Have a good night and I hope the party was awesome.

She isnt an important part of his life. He sees her every once in awhile usually at large family things for his dad. They have never had one on one time or even a long conversation. Even when he was a minor they never had a relationship and he never lived with her. He is nothing more than his dads wife he doesnt even refer to her as step mom just "My dad's wife"

The post was about me but people were asking how my son felt and he didnt want her there. I was venting about my own feelings not my sons.

It isnt okay to invite someone to a party when the person you are holding it for does not want them there.

[LiveWhatULove]

I would like you to answer this question with a yes or no please.

Would you invite someone to a party for your child if they specifically said they do not want them there?

My kids are not close with their SM, they never have been. The party was for close friends and family. DS did NOT want her there.

It's not a black/white OR yes/no issue. It would depend why. Has she abused my child? Is she violent? Their father's SO typically, should be someone of value in their life in "normal" circumstances, so unless the two previous questions OR there were other extenuating circumstances were "yes" then, I would leave it up to their father.

But I will say that if this was the REAL crux of the issue, your original, would have started, "my DS didn't want his step-mother there so I didn't invite..." not added as an afterthought after a few of us disagreed with you long-term grudge as justification.

And if I am totally wrong, fine, you would know, as I have stated you know the situation for your family. I was simply sharing my views, I'm not calling you a shitty person, lol. Have a good night and I hope the party was awesome.

She isnt an important part of his life. He sees her every once in awhile usually at large family things for his dad. They have never had one on one time or even a long conversation. Even when he was a minor they never had a relationship and he never lived with her. He is nothing more than his dads wife he doesnt even refer to her as step mom just "My dad's wife"

The post was about me but people were asking how my son felt and he didnt want her there. I was venting about my own feelings not my sons.

It isnt okay to invite someone to a party when the person you are holding it for does not want them there.

I understand your sentiments and definitely think it's a fair answer. And although I honor my children's emotions most of the time, they've all invited peers and family to parties out of obligation. I invited people to my wedding, I didn't want there. As did all my loved ones, lol, it's just part of life. The parties were ALL still awesome and avoiding drama far outweighed any benefit of the person not attending. So like I said, I think it just depends on all the circumstances involved, and for your family, you made the best choice you could.

[agander2017]

I really don't blame you. And the fact that your son didn't want her there either, that does make a difference. I can understand that they are married, and that she is part of his family, but that doesn't mean she has to be part of your events.

[WickedPissah]

How long has it been. If it's been 1 year I totally get it. If it's been 10, you're overreacting.

It said many years ago I'm guessing 5 years plus.

[cellomom26]

Best comment on here.

Perfectly said!


quote=AZLizardLady post_id=450875 time=1561385855 user_id=203]
I think your ex is the one who's been disrespectful about her coming to the party and even petty in not understanding why you don't want her there.

You have to tolerate him as he is the father of your children. There is no law that states you have to tolerate her.

Sure, bygones be bygones....yada yada....but the reality is, it's OK to still not want to be around the person who was once your friend and not only aided in the adultery committed against you with your THEN husband, they also cheated on your friendship.

This isn't being petty or jealous. This is keeping it real and being self-protective and THAT is perfectly OK.
[/quote]

[Anonymous 6]

I'm leaning towards agreeing with all of what LiveWhatULove said.

I know you said that it wouldn't matter how many years had passed since this betrayal occurred but honestly, there does come a time when it becomes in your best interest to put this all behind you...completely. Holding onto this may undoubtedly cause you (and maybe even your kids) unnecessary anxiety on more than an occasion or two.

That said, if I were in your shoes, I would probably struggle with this, too. I will be honest and say that if my kid (the graduate) literally despises this woman, I might be inclined to consider honoring his request to not have her present. If I were you, the "ex-wife" in me might not want this woman in my house. The "me-as-a-person" part of me would just want to put this behind me and heal. The "mom" part of me would want to keep my opinions of this woman (and this man) to myself and, when necessary, would tolerate her presence (and his) as a means to teach my kids the value of doing it. The man has a new wife. It should be understood by his children, his ex, and all the people in his life that he will want his wife by his side on the happy occasions of his life. (Yes. You and anyone does have the right to exclude whomever they wish from their home.)

In your story, both this man and this woman slighted you and your kids. It's been 7 years since the slighting. It takes time to let go of the anger and hurt. Having your EX in your presence is an indication that you have healed some. My hope for you is that you heal completely and move on to complete happiness and peace. My hope for your kids is that they see how your "letting go" brought you that happiness and peace.

Remember: Your children are adults in the making. They, too, will one day be in relationships of their own. Hopefully, they will never find themselves in a relationship that causes them to be wounded as you have been. But in the event that they are, you want them to know that they have the power to heal and to be thoroughly happy and content again. Show them how it's done! What you show them now might be the only thing that allows them to one day recoup from their own heartbreak. YOUR strength, YOUR determination, and YOUR full recovery of joy and contentment might be their single source of hope that they can do it, too.

I'm sorry that this man and this woman did to you what they did. Please know that I do not judge you for any choices you've made. It is your life and you should do whatever you need to do to have the joy you deserve. I wish you and your kids the best, OP.