People are calling me petty and jealous because I dont want the other woman in my house

[wildflowers25]

I doubt anyone calling you petty would want the other woman in their house. I wouldn't even have the time of day for people defending her and trash talking me.

[mcginnisc]

My father cheated on my mother after 39 years. You better darn believe that my brother and I consider that a slight against us as well. Neither of us would ever allow his mistress anywhere near our homes..for a multitude of reasons. IF, my father was not a danger to the kids himself, he would be welcome as I have forgiven him..however, that woman would never be around me or my children. She has never met my children, yet has called them names to my mother through texts that I read as well as DH read. At the time, my children were 9 and 6. That alone tells you what type of person she is. The only time I have ever met her is when my father was in the hospital a year after all of this went down and they called me to come. I left my children at home and I went to the ICU. She didn't want to come back because I was there. I told them she was more than welcome to come back there. I did not have to let her come back there since she is not related, but I said yes so as to not make waves.
OP's son did not want her there. Period. End of story.
Your home is your sanctuary..or is should be. There has to be some form of control in who you allow to come into your sanctuary. OP was well within her rights to invite her ex husband and not the wife. Those kids have every right to harbor ill feelings towards this woman that came between their parents and to feel as if she broke up their family.

Again, the slight was against YOU not the whole family. He stopped being your husband when he cheated not their father and that is where you and many other divorced women drop the ball.

I also asked what they think about her and you projected your feelings on it. How is your sons relationship with his step mother? Not how you think it is but how he feels. Again, it’s not about you. Remember she will be at his wedding and at the birth of the grand children. Thaw the ice now or you may find you are on the outside for the next event.

Neither of my kids would have wanted her there. The slight was against the whole family. She disrespected all of us

It was my son who graduated this year

The larger fat more important question is how did and does your daughter feel? The slight here was to YOU as the wife not to her as the daughter.

If she has a good relationship with her step mother then you need to swallow the hurt and do what is best for her.

[Msprekteacher]

I’m not controlling their feelings. I asked you to ask him and have him tell you. You can’t say what their relationship is like
Because I imagine it goes against what you say here.

But I am telling you as an observer of it happening that if you keep projecting your feelings that you may be the one on the outside. That’s all.

My kids feel differently. They are not close with her and they do feel like she betrayed them also. You don't control their feeling

You are making assumptions

Again, the slight was against YOU not the whole family. He stopped being your husband when he cheated not their father and that is where you and many other divorced women drop the ball.

I also asked what they think about her and you projected your feelings on it. How is your sons relationship with his step mother? Not how you think it is but how he feels. Again, it’s not about you. Remember she will be at his wedding and at the birth of the grand children. Thaw the ice now or you may find you are on the outside for the next event.

Neither of my kids would have wanted her there. The slight was against the whole family. She disrespected all of us

It was my son who graduated this year

[Ladyiq]

f**k that noise call me Petty Patty, Jealous Nancy whatever I would never be the bigger person in that situation. Im on your side in this.

[Bubbs]

I don’t care if people think I’m petty or jealous. I would never allow her or my ex in my home. If it was important to my kids that they attend an event, we will have it somewhere else.
I’ll have no problem renting a space.

[Anonymous 1]

You are wrong in every way. That is a common theme for you on this website

I’m not controlling their feelings. I asked you to ask him and have him tell you. You can’t say what their relationship is like
Because I imagine it goes against what you say here.

But I am telling you as an observer of it happening that if you keep projecting your feelings that you may be the one on the outside. That’s all.

My kids feel differently. They are not close with her and they do feel like she betrayed them also. You don't control their feeling

You are making assumptions

Again, the slight was against YOU not the whole family. He stopped being your husband when he cheated not their father and that is where you and many other divorced women drop the ball.

I also asked what they think about her and you projected your feelings on it. How is your sons relationship with his step mother? Not how you think it is but how he feels. Again, it’s not about you. Remember she will be at his wedding and at the birth of the grand children. Thaw the ice now or you may find you are on the outside for the next event.

[mojogirl]

you're obviously holding on tight to the grudge. and that's totally your prerogative. just don't kid yourself that you're over it. you're obviously not. again, completely your prerogative. we're all entitled to our own feelings. but don't be surprised when people respond like they did. after all, they're entitled to how they feel about the situation too, even if it's a really judgemental feeling.

[Anonymous 1]

you're obviously holding on tight to the grudge. and that's totally your prerogative. just don't kid yourself that you're over it. you're obviously not. again, completely your prerogative. we're all entitled to our own feelings. but don't be surprised when people respond like they did. after all, they're entitled to how they feel about the situation too, even if it's a really judgemental feeling.

Just because I won't tolerate someone who disrespected me in my house doesn't mean I am not over it. Even in 50 years I wouldn't allow her in my house. It is a respect issue

[Deleted User 203]

I think your ex is the one who's been disrespectful about her coming to the party and even petty in not understanding why you don't want her there.

You have to tolerate him as he is the father of your children. There is no law that states you have to tolerate her.

Sure, bygones be bygones....yada yada....but the reality is, it's OK to still not want to be around the person who was once your friend and not only aided in the adultery committed against you with your THEN husband, they also cheated on your friendship.

This isn't being petty or jealous. This is keeping it real and being self-protective and THAT is perfectly OK.

[Msprekteacher]

Then answer my question if I am so wrong...I’ll wait for the spin. Also, this is the only forum in which I’m active and my lack of popularity doesn’t phase me in a bit, otherwise I’d hire behind the anon button too.

You are wrong in every way. That is a common theme for you on this website

I’m not controlling their feelings. I asked you to ask him and have him tell you. You can’t say what their relationship is like
Because I imagine it goes against what you say here.

But I am telling you as an observer of it happening that if you keep projecting your feelings that you may be the one on the outside. That’s all.

My kids feel differently. They are not close with her and they do feel like she betrayed them also. You don't control their feeling

You are making assumptions