At my wits end - moms with SN kids help?

Anonymous 1

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I have a 3 year old boy who is, for the most part, an absolute delight. He’s sweet and affectionate and just as charming as can be.

He also has some sensory issues and developmental delays. Nothing too major but he does see a special teacher, an occupational therapist and a speech therapist 2x a week each. He’s also very big for his age with all the strength to go with it.

One of the things his therapists are working with him on is listening and following directions. His evaluators describe him as “highly self-directed and assertive.” It’s very difficult to direct or redirect his attention, especially if he’s focused on something he wants/likes. He is very determined about some things, and he doesn’t know his own strength so he kind of bowls people over sometimes. If you are trying to physically stop him from doing something, you will have one hell of a fight on your hands. He’s made a lot of improvements but he is still... well, he’s a lot.

He is also very (unintentionally) destructive. In the last 6 months he has broken 2 iPads (and the otter box defender case one of them was in), my phone, my glasses,, the TV, two (metal!) baby gates, his stroller, and the tray table on his high chair, along with countless other, smaller things. That’s nearly $2500 worth of stuff! On top of that, easily half the windows in my house are cracked, which will be another two or three thousand in replacement costs. He broke them the same way he did the TV; on a regular basis he will just stand there and bang on them. Usually I am pretty on top of stopping him but if my attention is diverted for more than a minute there’s a good chance he will seize the opportunity to bang on a window or the TV.

I have done everything I can think of with this kid. I babyproof until I’m blue in the face but every time I fix one issue he makes it his mission to find another. Of course I stop him when he’s doing something like that but it never seems to stick. I can’t get him to stop, I can’t watch him constantly, and I can’t afford to keep replacing stuff he’s broken. I have talked with all his therapists and we are all doing everything we can think of. We have all learned to be much more diligent about keeping things
Iike tablets and phones away from him, and I rearranged so the new TV will go in a different room that can be gated off, but I can’t stop him from accessing the windows, baby gates, etc. I can’t lock him in one room and the rest of us can’t live in a house that is fully “Noah-proof” because that would basically be padded walks and floors and nothing that wasn’t made of foam. I’m really getting to the end of my rope and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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Tigress22304
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I went through this-in fact I'm still going through it with DD15 who's bigger then I am.

It took a village-LITERALLY I needed help. I couldn't even run to the bathroom to pee without her destroying something.

You very well may need to severely Noah proof a room and let him use that room.

Have you considered SN day care or school for him?
DD was about his age when she started school.

Go to your local elementary school's child study team and see if they can help you have him placed.
I know this may not be your answer-because it surely wasn't mine-but it surely helped DD adjust herself.

Or consider getting help with your LO. Lots of teachers and aides at my daughter's SN school offer babysitting and nanny help.
If you need help please PM me!

{Kat}
Anonymous 2

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My friend put a baby gate in her upstairs window after her 2 year old pulled out the screen. She was doing laundry and sees a screen falling down, flies upstairs and there's her son looking all proud of himself lol. The baby gate is wedged in there so he can't get it out.
Anonymous 1

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He is going to a preschool that specializes in SN kids but that won’t start until September. And DH’s busy season is ramping up so he’s around even less to help me. I don’t have a village unfortunately, at least not here. I had a babysitter for awhile but she is not really equipped to handle a kid like him. His OT mentioned an agency locally that may be able to offer some help but all I really want is to just be able to get him to listen and I am afraid it’s not in the cards anytime soon :/ he does.not.learn about some things either. The first time he broke a window he cut his hand and had to get stitches, which was about as fun as you can imagine. But it didn’t stop him for a second. Literally the first thing he did when we got home from the ER was go right back to the same window to try and smack it some more.
Tigress22304 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 7:35 pm I went through this-in fact I'm still going through it with DD15 who's bigger then I am.

It took a village-LITERALLY I needed help. I couldn't even run to the bathroom to pee without her destroying something.

You very well may need to severely Noah proof a room and let him use that room.

Have you considered SN day care or school for him?
DD was about his age when she started school.

Go to your local elementary school's child study team and see if they can help you have him placed.
I know this may not be your answer-because it surely wasn't mine-but it surely helped DD adjust herself.

Or consider getting help with your LO. Lots of teachers and aides at my daughter's SN school offer babysitting and nanny help.
If you need help please PM me!
Anonymous 1

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That’s not a bad idea. I think at this point I am single handed,y keeping the baby gate industry afloat.
Anonymous 2 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 7:40 pm My friend put a baby gate in her upstairs window after her 2 year old pulled out the screen. She was doing laundry and sees a screen falling down, flies upstairs and there's her son looking all proud of himself lol. The baby gate is wedged in there so he can't get it out.
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jas
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 8:13 pm That’s not a bad idea. I think at this point I am single handed,y keeping the baby gate industry afloat.
Anonymous 2 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 7:40 pm My friend put a baby gate in her upstairs window after her 2 year old pulled out the screen. She was doing laundry and sees a screen falling down, flies upstairs and there's her son looking all proud of himself lol. The baby gate is wedged in there so he can't get it out.
I second the baby gate in the window idea. Also if you have the room, give him a space where he can do whatever. Google sensory rooms to give you some ideas.
Anonymous 1

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He has one! I put it together for his therapies. He likes it, but it only keeps him busy for so long, especially if I haven’t switched anything out in awhile. I do a lot of sensory stuff outside the house with him too, we go swimming, we take walks. There’s a toddler play center here with all kinds of sensory, climbing, and building stuff... I’m exhausted lol. But he isn’t. He rarely slows down.
jas wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 8:19 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 8:13 pm That’s not a bad idea. I think at this point I am single handed,y keeping the baby gate industry afloat.
Anonymous 2 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 7:40 pm My friend put a baby gate in her upstairs window after her 2 year old pulled out the screen. She was doing laundry and sees a screen falling down, flies upstairs and there's her son looking all proud of himself lol. The baby gate is wedged in there so he can't get it out.
I second the baby gate in the window idea. Also if you have the room, give him a space where he can do whatever. Google sensory rooms to give you some ideas.
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Hot4Tchr-Bieg
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I'm not seeing what you do when he is rough with something. It's not enough to just interrupt or redirect the behavior if you want to teach him to be gentle. You have to replace the rough behavior with a gentle behavior and then show gratitude and delight, and do so super-consistently, when he is gentle. If he likes windows, get some peel and sticks for him to play with WHILE YOU SIT THERE WITH HIM and give him a "right way" to do it. If he bulldozes through the living room knocking shit over you interrupt him, together you put things back how they go, and then go through the living room "the right way" with walking feet, indoor voice,, gentle hands, etc.

Gotta replace the undesirable behavior with the desirable one and show just sickeningly sweet gobs of appreciation when he does it right. And I would have a playpen or something to put him in when he has those times when he isn't making the effort to focus on being gentle. He won't like it and you'll likely endure some tantrums. But kids who play gently get to go all over; kids who play rough have to play in the playpen.

Two more things...one...anticipate the rough behaviors and interrupt really fast. If he's enjoying the sensory input, then the behaviors are their own rewards. You have to deprive him of the reward of the feeling he gets from bashing a firetruck into the flatscreen. And two...I know it's a lot to ask, but if you can go for a mile hike with him every MORNING over uneven terrain, you'll likely be pleased with the results. Plan on continuing that, or similar, forever. Swimming is also terrific for the sensory seekers.
Don't text while driving. Don''t text while stopped at stop signs and traffic lights. You're not a four year old...exercise some self-control.
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Hot4Tchr-Bieg
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 8:29 pm He has one! I put it together for his therapies. He likes it, but it only keeps him busy for so long, especially if I haven’t switched anything out in awhile. I do a lot of sensory stuff outside the house with him too, we go swimming, we take walks. There’s a toddler play center here with all kinds of sensory, climbing, and building stuff... I’m exhausted lol. But he isn’t. He rarely slows down.
jas wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 8:19 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote: Sun May 26, 2019 8:13 pm That’s not a bad idea. I think at this point I am single handed,y keeping the baby gate industry afloat.
I second the baby gate in the window idea. Also if you have the room, give him a space where he can do whatever. Google sensory rooms to give you some ideas.
Oh look...you've got the walks and the swimming already. Super! Carry on then!
Don't text while driving. Don''t text while stopped at stop signs and traffic lights. You're not a four year old...exercise some self-control.
Anonymous 3

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I would stock up on duct tape and sheets




















JK
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