Is it rude to ask someone if they want to go back to work?

Momto2boys973
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I don’t think that asking is rude. I’m sure it’s a common question working women get after having a baby and I don’t see how that’s too personal. It’s not like you asked her to criticize.
What did she tell you? Maybe her being taken back wasn’t about finding the question inappropriate. Maybe she hasn’t really thought about it or maybe she has other people being judgmental of what she wants to do.
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CherryTreez
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When I was asked and I said I was going to stay home, I heard crap from women. The things they said was very sad. I was told that I was setting a bad example for my child by staying home with them. I was setting the women's rights back. I learned to not say anything to women about me staying home and refused to talk about it to them.

Men on the other hand, were all excited for me. They were glad that I was able to stay home.
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CherryTreez wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:47 pm When I was asked and I said I was going to stay home, I heard crap from women. The things they said was very sad. I was told that I was setting a bad example for my child by staying home with them. I was setting the women's rights back. I learned to not say anything to women about me staying home and refused to talk about it to them.

Men on the other hand, were all excited for me. They were glad that I was able to stay home.

Feminists who criticize SAHM are the worst type of hypocrites. The women's rights movement was supposed to be about empowering women to choose their own futures.
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No. It's a perfectly acceptable conversational question.
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Linda_Runs
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I don't think it is too personal of a question and not rude to a friend.
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LiveWhatULove
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AnnieArk wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:52 pm
CherryTreez wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:47 pm When I was asked and I said I was going to stay home, I heard crap from women. The things they said was very sad. I was told that I was setting a bad example for my child by staying home with them. I was setting the women's rights back. I learned to not say anything to women about me staying home and refused to talk about it to them.

Men on the other hand, were all excited for me. They were glad that I was able to stay home.

Feminists who criticize SAHM are the worst type of hypocrites. The women's rights movement was supposed to be about empowering women to choose their own futures.
No issues about the first sentence. No one deserves their character attacked.

Do ALL women really get to choose their own futures? Even after that movement, mothers face inadequate maternity leave policies, inadequate and un-affordable childcare options, workplace values emphasizing sacrifice of family & mental un-wellness, and the persistence of unequal social norms of a woman's role in home and child rearing. We really haven't give all women a choice (or parents of either S*x, for that matter) a choice at all to really "choose" their own futures. Often it's simply a decision made by society out of necessity, which parents "make the best of" and justify, because that is far easier than admitting sexism and classism is still prevalent and in full force in our culture.
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:31 pm
AnnieArk wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:52 pm
CherryTreez wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:47 pm When I was asked and I said I was going to stay home, I heard crap from women. The things they said was very sad. I was told that I was setting a bad example for my child by staying home with them. I was setting the women's rights back. I learned to not say anything to women about me staying home and refused to talk about it to them.

Men on the other hand, were all excited for me. They were glad that I was able to stay home.

Feminists who criticize SAHM are the worst type of hypocrites. The women's rights movement was supposed to be about empowering women to choose their own futures.
No issues about the first sentence. No one deserves their character attacked.

Do ALL women really get to choose their own futures? Even after that movement, mothers face inadequate maternity leave policies, inadequate and un-affordable childcare options, workplace values emphasizing sacrifice of family & mental un-wellness, and the persistence of unequal social norms of a woman's role in home and child rearing. We really haven't give all women a choice (or parents of either S*x, for that matter) a choice at all to really "choose" their own futures. Often it's simply a decision made by society out of necessity, which parents "make the best of" and justify, because that is far easier than admitting sexism and classism is still prevalent and in full force in our culture.


Those problems don't change the the fact that many women want to be SAHM. The issues women face won't change until women as a whole realize and respect that all women do not want the same thing in life.
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LiveWhatULove
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AnnieArk wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:37 pm
LiveWhatULove wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:31 pm
AnnieArk wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:52 pm


Feminists who criticize SAHM are the worst type of hypocrites. The women's rights movement was supposed to be about empowering women to choose their own futures.
No issues about the first sentence. No one deserves their character attacked.

Do ALL women really get to choose their own futures? Even after that movement, mothers face inadequate maternity leave policies, inadequate and un-affordable childcare options, workplace values emphasizing sacrifice of family & mental un-wellness, and the persistence of unequal social norms of a woman's role in home and child rearing. We really haven't give all women a choice (or parents of either S*x, for that matter) a choice at all to really "choose" their own futures. Often it's simply a decision made by society out of necessity, which parents "make the best of" and justify, because that is far easier than admitting sexism and classism is still prevalent and in full force in our culture.


Those problems don't change the the fact that many women want to be SAHM. The issues women face won't change until women as a whole realize and respect that all women do not want the same thing in life.
Of course all women don't want the same thing in life. I don't know anyone who would suggest that. I completely understand that some women do want to be a SAHM for joy, for perfecting their parenting, for love of their family. I get it. But my respect, my sympathy for their desires, doesn't change the issue. I fail to see how it can. These issues won't change without intense political and social advocacy and the more women & men involved to advocate for the cause is helpful.

And although some women, dream of being a homemaker or a SAHM, many actually do it because of the following: I don't want to leave my 3 month old child and that's all the time I'm allowed off; I can't afford childcare; I can't take care of the house, my children & meet my employer's expectation of a 60 hours work week; I can't find activities for my child after work hours; I can't get enough help from my DH; working and parenting is too stressful, guilt provoking, exhausting etc... I lobby and advocate to get rid of all those reasons. It's not an attack on SAHMs, it's an ongoing battle to assure that my DD and all women in her generation, have a true choice to give to the world of research, medicine, science, tech, literature, communications, leaders in business, entrepreneurs etc AND be a mother, IF THEY CHOOSE. And right now, many women can't.

That is always why I am loud about being a feminist, and I don't feel my views attack SAHMs, and feel I actually represent many modern feminists in this day & age. I think the ones you are referring to, are few and far between and just troll you here in the forums.
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:03 pm
AnnieArk wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:37 pm
LiveWhatULove wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:31 pm

No issues about the first sentence. No one deserves their character attacked.

Do ALL women really get to choose their own futures? Even after that movement, mothers face inadequate maternity leave policies, inadequate and un-affordable childcare options, workplace values emphasizing sacrifice of family & mental un-wellness, and the persistence of unequal social norms of a woman's role in home and child rearing. We really haven't give all women a choice (or parents of either S*x, for that matter) a choice at all to really "choose" their own futures. Often it's simply a decision made by society out of necessity, which parents "make the best of" and justify, because that is far easier than admitting sexism and classism is still prevalent and in full force in our culture.


Those problems don't change the the fact that many women want to be SAHM. The issues women face won't change until women as a whole realize and respect that all women do not want the same thing in life.
Of course all women don't want the same thing in life. I don't know anyone who would suggest that. I completely understand that some women do want to be a SAHM for joy, for perfecting their parenting, for love of their family. I get it. But my respect, my sympathy for their desires, doesn't change the issue. I fail to see how it can. These issues won't change without intense political and social advocacy and the more women & men involved to advocate for the cause is helpful.

And although some women, dream of being a homemaker or a SAHM, many actually do it because of the following: I don't want to leave my 3 month old child and that's all the time I'm allowed off; I can't afford childcare; I can't take care of the house, my children & meet my employer's expectation of a 60 hours work week; I can't find activities for my child after work hours; I can't get enough help from my DH; working and parenting is too stressful, guilt provoking, exhausting etc... I lobby and advocate to get rid of all those reasons. It's not an attack on SAHMs, it's an ongoing battle to assure that my DD and all women in her generation, have a true choice to give to the world of research, medicine, science, tech, literature, communications, leaders in business, entrepreneurs etc AND be a mother, IF THEY CHOOSE. And right now, many women can't.

That is always why I am loud about being a feminist, and I don't feel my views attack SAHMs, and feel I actually represent many modern feminists in this day & age. I think the ones you are referring to, are few and far between and just troll you here in the forums.

It's not just on the internet. I've worked with women who held views like that. So have my sisters. My DIL's mother made an ugly comment when my DIL said she'd be a SAHM when they started their family. It's not a rarity.
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Among friends I wouldn't think it's too personal or rude. Seems like a very normal question for any pregnant lady who's been working.
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